Raising Girls 

By Becky Tumewu

Every mother in this world wants to see her children grow and have a good future. Every parent would want to raise their children so that they can respect themselves without forgetting to respect those around them. This is what I hope for my children. I feel fortunate to have two daughters who are independent, strong and great in carrying out all of their responsibilities. If someone says raising a girl is challenging, it seems to me the opposite.

I feel fortunate to have two daughters who are independent, strong and great in carrying out all of their responsibilities.

I know very well that my daughters are children who have grown up with high self-confidence and independence. My first daughter is 20 years old while the second one is 18 years old. Seeing them now living their lives, I am sure they will grow up to be children who can take responsibility for themselves and struggle to live through all the obstacles in life. So I have had no trouble raising them this far. My only concern is about their choice of a match someday. All the good things in them can be disturbed if they meet the wrong person. This is my prayer as a mother, that they meet the right person to accompany them.

Maybe this implies that I am a protective mother. But if you think about it, it seems that all mothers are protective because they want the best for their children. Even in my daily practice, I can say that I am a quite relaxed mother. I always treat children like friends with limits of course. Even though we can be like friends, I am still their mother who has a certain authority in the family. When there is a problem, I almost never panic or create an intense atmosphere. We talked about everything and thought together to find the best solution. By staying calm in responding to problems, I believe everything can be done well.

We talked about everything and thought together to find the best solution. By staying calm in responding to problems, I believe everything can be done well.

Maybe because of the relaxed communication, we finally became very united. It is rare to argue because everything can be discussed together without the need for quarrels or fights. From small things to big things, we definitely talk about it because we can’t store things for too long. Likewise, when they recently gave criticism about me being less focused when being spoken to. They say my physique is in front of them but my mind is not. Without protesting, I processed their criticism and did an evaluation. Finally, I realized that it turned out that during a pandemic and living in this uncertain time, it made me think about many things, thus reducing my focus. After realizing it, then I apologized and explained to them what happened to me. Then we left no emotions that sparked conflict.

In fact, panic or a source of conflict usually occurs more frequently between children and their poor. For example, one day my first child was not home when it was quite late. He must have asked me where our son was going and why he wasn’t home yet. I myself don’t really care too much because I know my child is definitely responsible. Likewise when the children were small. When many parents are excited about their children’s academic achievement, I don’t really force my children to stick to grades. The most important thing for me is that the children are happy to learn at school, there is no pressure and can apply the knowledge taught at school in their daily lives. I think there are other things that are more important than academics. One of them is emotional intelligence or emotional abilities.

I also teach children the ability to hone their emotional side through social actions. In fact, this is the culture my mother taught me. I call it the life curriculum. When I was a teenager, Mother took me to Majalengka to deliver aid for victims of natural disasters. He is someone who is very social. Helping other people is like never taking into account because that’s part of his soul. The way to teach me about this is also not theoretically but practically. He gave a real example so that I could be more concerned with social issues. From then on, I always imagined that if I had children, I would teach what Mother taught me. So finally I now pass it on to the children. When we want to make children into good personalities, we need to set good examples.

When my first daughter was a teenager, I felt that she needed to look at life other than Jakarta. Seeing that there are people whose lives are not as comfortable as ours in the capital. I took him to NTT to visit villages. There for the first time my son entered a toilet which had no water at all and the condition made him very shocked and uncomfortable. After the experience of being there, he became aware that there was other life besides his life in the capital. Then, several years later he made a project to build a well in Sumba. And there is a cycle of goodness. So, what you teach is very valuable. When we give joy, we actually receive blessings. I saw that with them making things for people who were more in need, their self-confidence grew.

Like at the beginning of the pandemic yesterday, my children asked what we could do for others. Then I suggested that we first help the people around us. Finally, the children and some of their friends went to the area where our driver lived and distributed basic foodstuffs to residents who were in trouble there. This is what I am very grateful for. To me, academic achievement is no more important than emotional ability manifest in everyday social life.

To me, academic achievement is no more important than emotional ability manifest in everyday social life.

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